Thursday, December 19, 2013

An angst-ridden Christmas post

Hi all,

It's been a wild few months for our family.

I like my job; if not, something would have snapped a long time ago. Christian likes school, and El Guapo smiles when he sees his daycare in the morning. Christian has been able to keep his two languages apart, so he is now officially bilingual. El Guapo not so much. He shouts out commands in Danish, peppered with a few No's and Thank You's.

The Girl has been more away than home, so that's taking a toll on everyone. Going to interviews for residency is exciting, when you are a senior medical student. I think she is excited, sure, but mostly she wants the process over and her name in a great program.

Which brings me to the tragedy that is my life. The big kids only come up to visit every four weeks. I miss them terribly, especially Natali. I don't miss living in Denmark particularly. Well, no, I am actually surprised by how much I miss Denmark, but it's something I can live with. What I really miss is being with Natali. I miss cleaning the kitchen after the boys are asleep, while she plays her guitar for me. I miss her quirky opinions on everything.

She has really shut me out. Not that I would know for sure, but I think she is strugglng hard to find her place in cutthroat middle school. Her focus is on getting good grades, stayng skinny (too much focus on that) and becoming popular. Seeing me is is not a distraction from this life, as much as a setback. My ex wife is not making this easy, either, but she has her own stressors (again, not that I really know).

It just hurts to think about that just 6 months ago, I would wake her up in the morning, find her favorite clothes from the (usually clean) laundry, discuss her day and her problems until the moment she would fall asleep. It was probably the part of my life. I say probably, because I really have no idea. If I suddenly had to live without the Girl or one of the boys, it might be even worse.

The Girl applied to programs mainly in the midwest and then a few very prestigious programs on the coasts. Everyne does that, thinking "wow, what if I got an interview at Johns Hopkins". It looked like I was finally going to live close to the kids. Her programs included University of Wisconsin and Medical College of Wisconsin, her two alma maters.

But it wouldn't be my life, if things were that simple. These relatively "easy" programs have not offered her interviews. But all the "hey, let's appply there" programs on the coasts have invited her. Her list of interviews includes all the PM&R powerhouses. We are not sure why it''s so, but we imagine her research background is a bigger plus at the top programs. But only one that would bring the world's fastest hematologist closer to his kids. That one is University of Minnesota.

Her match is March 12th. We are very, very nervous about it. You have to go where the Match tells you.

1 comment:

Alicia Hudelson said...

I knew this was going to be a good read as soon as I saw the title.

I think you and Natali will get your old relationship back in time. When I met her I could tell you two had a great bond--that's not going to go away. I suspect it'll be easier for her to be close to you once she doesn't have to be so confused about what your permanent living situation is going to be.